AuDHD and Corporate

Over the last few years I've been figuring out that my brain doesn't quite work the same as everyone else's. I have ADHD and self-diagnose as Autistic. That means I need the why behind why I am being asked to do something before I do it, even if it's urgent. I need a strict, rigid plan set up, and I get about 60% done of my plan on great days, on some days I check off "Get out of bed" and that's about it. I can't remember to brush my teeth or my hair, I have no concept of feelings happening in my body, just that something is uncomfortable, but I couldn't tell you why. I am wonderful at pretending (masking) that I'm a fully functional human being that can take on everyone's requests, problems, solve every issue, and not remember to feed or hydrate my own body. I pretend to be bubbly, happy, goofy, hiding behind someone who would rather rest my face in what some would call "Resting Bitch Face" and will completely disengage with whatever conversation is happening no matter how hard I try if it's a topic I'm not interested in, but I'm smart enough that I will be able to keep the conversation going almost as if on auto-pilot while I do something else that is dopamine seeking with the active part of my brain.

Most recently I have found my justice sensitivity - aka my ability to put up with shady or downright lies, has gone to zero tolerance. And in a startup corporate world, that is how everyone operates. I can't comprehend how people act like this, and how they treat people as if they're robots. I read "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" in high school, and if my hatred of that book made me remember anything, it's that no, androids do not dream of electric sheep, they dream of real sheep, because they think they're human too. So lesson is treat robots kindly, but most importantly, treat your actual human employees like people!

I keep spinning around and around of how to get out of corporate forever. I have been targeted by so many Reels and Shorts of people having the same "Millennial Awakening" but this is like a hamster stuck in one of those clear balls. It doesn't matter how many directions I try going, I'm still stuck in the invisible ball. What else do I have to do to be able to support my family and actually do something that doesn't make me feel like I'm perpetually in The Bad Place when I try to work?

I've been saying this for years, so maybe it's time to do this and forget about the money, but I am a writer. I've always been one, it's the only thing I will force myself to sit down and do, and although it is a lot of effort, it's not something that I dread. I like words, I like letters, I like typing, writing, cursive, print, typewriters, pens (only certain ones), quills (if I don't spill ink all over myself).. you get the picture. I am a person who wants a cool fall breeze, no bugs, as many fuzzy and comfy things on and around me as possible, dogs and cats included, a warm drink, a water, a hot drink, something sweet, (all the things) and just me and a story in my head slowly playing out and I just write it all down. Is that too hard to actually accomplish? Will I ever reach my dream? I think it's more a question of when than if. But help me get there. If you feel like it. Follow my socials, send me a note, click on some affiliate links in my previous posts and buy something, or go to my Etsy store and get something there. I'll make some cute ass merch and buy that. Support my author journey so I can move on to happier things and help make the world a better place by contributing something so uniquely me, that you can't help but relate, smile, or want more when you read it.

SMT